I guess the end of the semester is my prime blog writing time? I would love to say I have the whole school, work, social life balance down to a T, but that’d be a lie and just me trying to look better. The truth? I got swept up in the semester, the holidays, and my 21st birthday.
21, wow… I’m not sure if I’d ever imagined where I’d be at this age. I’m not sure if I ever thought I’d be this age, but here I am. After four months now of having this new adult status, I can honestly say that it’s nothing exciting. Yeah, I am able to go into bars, buy my favorite $3 wine at Trader Joe’s, and I got the cool (read: awful) new Colorado license (who’s idea was it to make them look like that? I want the old style license back.) For me, 21 hasn’t been so different than 20, except for a slightly higher blood alcohol level on my birthday.
But, you all don’t want to hear about how dull I am, do you? You come here to see…well I don’t know, but thanks for reading!
What I really want to talk about is some life, and choices, and change.
At 18, when I was in my senior year of highschool, I decided to run towards my faith after a shooting at my school. I was welcomed and embraced by the community, the traditions and faith healed me from the things I’d experienced in life. I felt comforted by the close nature of everyone and of course the matzo ball soup didn’t hurt. Within a couple of months I’d graduated and was on my way to New York, the epi center…the mother ship!!!! I’d always wanted to get there and I did. I grew spiritually, shrunk (physically– thanks walking everywhere), and changed from some socially awkward small town girl to a socially awkward city woman. I was enthralled to say the least.
They say that all good things must come to an end, and that this did.
Coming home wasn’t easy. I’d sworn that come hell or high water I would never live alone…let us all laugh together. A year later and I’m still in my own apartment and adulting quite wonderfully. My grandfather died, my best friends were across the country and world, and to top it all off I started school. Let me tell you, after two years of being in all girls Jewish school, college is one wild ride.
So far I’very surprised myself with my transition into school; meeting people, being successful, balancing it all. But…I’ve felt this internal struggle. I’ve hopped from one extreme world to another, I made a choice at 18 that formed who I’ve become, but now at 21 and in a different place I find myself confused. What is it that I want? How do I live for today but not discount what I learned yesterday? Being young in a city full of opportunity, but feeling limited due to my own religious choices is a struggle.
Change is inevitable, we are products of our environment and it’s up to us to determine how we evolve within them. We must find what’s important to us, we must find what brings us happiness, and we must find what makes us whole and hold on to that.
Change is good, as long a you don’t forget who you are and who got to where you are.
Happy Holidays everyone, here’s to the sweetest New Year filled with positive change and joy!
Xoxo
F&F
