Keeping My Faith

A while back I wrote about having a hard time moving back home and going to college. I wrote about it testing me more than I could have ever imagined, and it’s true. Sometimes we fall, sometimes we stumble, sometimes we get lost… and that’s okay. What do we do? We call someone to help us get back up, we dust ourselves off, we get back on the metaphorical horse and keep going.

Now, it’s easy to say but hard to do. It took a year and one weeklong trip visiting one of my best friends from seminary to figure it out. The world is a challenging place. It was never meant to be easy or simple, but it’s imensly difficult. Tack on being frum out of town and throw in not having frum family, and you’re practically a fish out of water. Ask any BT (Baal Teshuvah) or Giur (Convert), the hardships seem even harder. But, we are Yidden (Jews). We were not put here for the easy times, we were put here for the times we cry, scream, get upset, yell out, “Ad Mosai!” (Until When), yet continue on. We were put here to lean on Hashem and still do His will. We were put here because we are the chosen people.

Through all my struggles, I have learned so much. I have increased in my ahavas yisrael (love of a fellow), my bittul (nullification/humbelness), my emunah (faith), but most of all… the love and acceptance I have for myself. I am not perfect, I will never be, but I am constantly striving to be the best version of myself. I have learned to forgive myself and above all else, know that Hashem loves me.

I have faith, a faith that might be shaken at points, but it is neither easily bent nor easily broken.

I may not know from here where I’m going, or what the future holds, but here’s what I know to be true:

Life may be tough, but Hashem is stronger, my emunah is stronger, I am stronger.

Xoxo,

F&F